that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
