I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
