what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
