At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize