Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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