i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
