Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
