THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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