"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
