Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
