im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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