you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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