I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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