TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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