If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
