oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
