piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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