I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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