That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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