He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize