sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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