I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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