I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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