Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
