Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
