She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
