i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
