Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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