Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
