Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
