i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
