Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's blow job season.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
