Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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