fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize