and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
