i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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