So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
