The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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