I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
40s are totally the cure
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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