sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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