Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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