you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
