summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
