Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
