We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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