I'm lost and stupid without you.
Buhtt sex?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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