i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
