Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
