we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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