im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
