He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
