So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
