its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
