are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize