I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Send help, water and tortillas.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
