So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
