u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
