well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
