There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize