If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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