Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
