I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
