My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
