With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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