upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
